I just went on a bike ride around the pond in the complex tonight. I increased it by one lap, and it still took me less than my desired 30 minutes. I'll go 5 laps for a couple of days and then increase to six by weeks end.
Ok, when I came back and sat at my computer on gay.com, I saw a friend and said hi. He didn't immediately reply. I started getting nervous. then I said something along the lines of " sure, don't say hi, greasy <\female part of the anatomy>". I was joking, as that is how I am with this friend. then I started to worry about if he took it wrong. and even though he drives me insane some days, i worried that I might have offended him. Am I so desperate to be cared about by people that I will do anything to be needed and wanted? I love my friends tony and charlie to death, and I always worry that i will piss them off somehow, then I get to the point that I am annoying and I start to drive people off because they just don't want to be around me anymore. The story of my fucking life. Why can't I just find the balance, and say "fuck it" the rest of the time? I have a hard time finding balance in all aspects of my life. then I reread what I just wrote, and I look damned neurotic. Agh. gonna scream. boy, im messed up.
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